Quote #118

I like my dental hygienist. I think she's very pretty. So when I'm waiting in her office I eat an entire bag of Oreo cookies. Sometimes she has to cancel all her other appointments.

More from Steven Wright

  1. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
  2. My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, 'How old are you?' I said, 'I'm five.' He said, 'When I was your age, I was six.'
  3. Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow.
  4. My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
  5. Last year me and my friend George drove across the country. We switched every half mile. We only had one cassette tape to listen to on the …
  6. My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
  7. Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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