I have Bright's disease and he has mine.

'Great-grandfather died under strange circumstances. He opened a vein in his bath.' 'I never knew baths had veins,' protested Gabrilowitsch.' 'I never knew his…

'Oh, son, I wish you hadn't become a scenario writer!' she sniffled. 'Aw, now, Moms,' I comforted her, 'it's no worse than playing the piano in a call house.'

The worst disgrace that can befall a producer is an unkind notice from a New York reviewer. When this happens, the producer becomes a pariah in Hollywood. He i…

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend; and he's a priest.

I am sitting on the sofa. By the fire and staying in. Me head is free of comfort And me nose is free of skin Me friends have run for cover, They have left me p…

Nell: Nothing is funnier than unhappiness. Nagg: Oh? Nell: Yes, yes, it's the most comical thing in the world. And we laugh, we laugh, with a will, in the begi…