More from Donald McGill

  1. 'Do you like Kipling?' 'I don't know, you naughty boy, I've never kippled.'
  2. For Heaven's sake, send help! There's a man trying to get into my room and the door's locked!
  3. I want to back the favourite, please. My sweetheart gave me a pound to do it both ways!
  4. ''Isaiah' - what a funny name for a teddy bear!' 'Well, you see one eye's 'igher than the other.'
  5. Could you exchange this lucky charm for a baby's feeding-bottle?
  6. 'I like seeing experienced girls home.' 'But I'm not experienced!' 'You're not home yet!'
  7. 'I've been struggling for years to get a fur coat. How did you get yours?' 'I left off struggling.'
  8. Judge: 'You are prevaricating, sir. Did you or did you not sleep with this woman?' Co-respondent: 'Not a wink, my lord!'

All Donald McGill quotes