Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.

God created man, but I could do better.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

I am a wife-made man

My father was a proctologist; my mother was an abstract artist. That's how I view the world.

'Naturally,' observed Nikolai Petrovich, 'you were born here, so everything is bound to strike you with a special -' 'Really, Daddy, it makes absolutely no dif…