I couldn't get that same feeling during the day, with my hands in dirty dish water and the hard sun showing up the dirtiness on the roof tops. And after a time, even at night, the feeling of God didn't last. I began to wonder what the minister meant when he said, 'God, the father, sees even the smallest sparrow fall. He watches over all his children.' That jumbled it all up for me. But I was sure of one thing. If God were a father, with children, that cleanliness I had been feeling wasn't God. So at night, when I went to bed, I would think, 'I am clean. I am sleepy.' And then I went to sleep. It didn't keep me from enjoying the cleaness any less. I just knew that God wasn't there. He was a man on a throne in Heaven, so he was easy to forget.

Religion was too vague. God was different. He was something real, something I could feel. But there were only certain times when I could feel it. I used to lie…

I wondered a little why God was such a useless thing. It seemed a waste of time to have him. After that he became less and less, until he was: nothingness.

I went to Sunday School and liked the stories about Christ and the Christmas star. They were beautiful. They made you warm and happy to think about. But I didn…

That is why St. John of the Cross calls faith a night. With those who have received a Christian education, the lower parts of the soul become attached to these…

The beloved does not drink a single drop of water without seeing His Face in the cup. Allah is He Who flows between the pericardium and the heart, just as the …

You know, my faith is one that admits some doubt.