Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.

A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.

Q: If you find so much that is unworthy of reverence in the United States, then why do you live here? A: Why do men go to zoos?

Sunday - A day given over by Americans to wishing that they themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in Hell.