A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

Mencken's [very widely attributed, as yet unsourced] pat response to all angry letters:

Do [English Teachers] believe that the aim of teaching English is to increase the exact and beautiful use of the language? Or that it is to inculcate and augme…