Why do people keep insisting that I join the twenty-first century? I live in the twenty-first century! I just don't want to be bothered by the shitheads on the internet!

When they say, 'Gee, it's an information explosion!' - no, it's not an explosion, it's a disgorgement of the bowels is what it is. Every idiotic thing that any…

There are two things I found when I did the Merv Griffin show, the two things I said that got them really crazy, was that I didn't believe in god, and that I r…

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen... and stupidity.