'I can see the problem right away, DON'T SUCK. Cease the sucking immediately. If you decide not to suck, you'll be totally shredding all these major solos and all the chicks will be checking you out and all the guys will be hella jealous of your whammy bar.'

Jeebus! Those are great things to receive! I'd be freakin' stoked to get a lovely juice box! Try getting a walnut. I got a damn walnut one time and it sucked. …

'Ever had those little gummy pizzas? N-A-S-T-Y.'

'Boxers. Briefs are stupid. Briefs constrict your shit.'

Basic anatomy. That has got to be the ongoing frustration: Why can't my fingers do what I want them to do? Not being able to play what I hear in my head - that…

'God created whammy bars for people who don't know how to solo.' -Interview with 'Masters of Metal and Hard Rock' magazine

I think it's quite painfully obvious when someone's practicing through an amp, as opposed to someone who's really laying down some stuff that just happens to b…