230 Advice Quotes

If I would follow your advice and Jesus could perceive it, he, as a Jewish teacher, surely would not approve of such behavior.

A lot of girls ask for advice on how to get into acting, and I'm kind of the worst person to ask, because it just kind of fell in my lap... I was just in the right place at the right time.

Don't take too seriously all that the neighbors say. Don't be overawed by what the experts say. Don't be afraid to trust your own common sense.

It's my old girl that advises. She has the head. But I never own to it before her. Discipline must be maintained.

As you get older you will gain a bit more control over everything. Don't let anyone, even your parents, break you. Find good people who care about you and surround yourself with just them. If you can't find them at first, find good music and fall into it, let it hold you until they come. I truly hope you enjoy the new record.

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Don't give your opinions about Art and the Purpose of Life. They are of little interest and, anyway, you can't express them. Don't analyze yourself. Give the relevant facts and let your readers make their own judgments. Stick to your story. It is not the most important subject in history but it is one about which you are uniquely qualified to speak.

There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn. You see, advice and lovelorn don't go together. Because advice makes love sound like some sort of cognitive activity, but we know that it isn't. We all know that it's some sort of horrible chemical reaction over which we have absolutely no control. And that's why advice doesn't work.

There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.

I'll tell you one thing: Don't ever give anybody your best advice, because they're not going to follow it.

If people take any notice of what we say, we say we've been through the drug scene, man, and there's nothing like being straight.

Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.

They're fancy talkers about themselves, writers. If I had to give young writers advice, I would say don't listen to writers talking about writing or themselves.

Anyone will be glad to admit that he knows nothing about beagling, or the Chinese stock market, or ballistics, but there is not a man or woman alive who does not claim to know how to cure hiccoughs.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

Don't be negative. It shows on your face.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

We give advice by the bucket, but take it by the grain.

It is best to love wisely, no doubt; but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all.

What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

Never answer an anonymous letter.

After all, there's only one aswer to be made to the young fellow who is asking constantly for advice as to how to hit. The answer is: 'Pick out a good one and sock it!'

Actually, I was having dinner with Michael (Stipe, of R.E.M.) when our second album went platinum, which up until that point was the highest success we'd ever had. And he turned to me during dinner and said, 'Welcome to the deep waters, kid.' I'll never forget that.

'Never,' said my aunt, 'be mean in anything; never be false; never be cruel. Avoid those three vices, Trot, and I can always be hopeful of you.'

I don't give advice. I can't tell anybody what to do. Instead I say this is what we know about this problem at this time. And here are the consequences of these actions.

The first time that I appeared on stage, it scared me to death. I really didn't know what all the yelling was about. I didn't realize that my body was moving. It's a natural thing to me. So to the manager backstage I said, 'What'd I do? What'd I do?' And he said, 'Whatever it is, go back and do it again.'

'Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.'

One said of suicide, 'As long as one has brains one should not blow them out.' And another answered, 'But when one has ceased to have them, too often one cannot.'

It is easy to give advice from a port of safety.

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig, you get dirty; and besides, the pig likes it.

If you convey to a woman that something ought to be done, there is always a dreadful danger that she will suddenly do it.

Many years ago a very wise man named Bernard Baruch took me aside and put his arm around my shoulder. 'Harpo my boy,' he said, 'I'm going to give you three pieces of advice, three things you should always remember.' My heart jumped and I glowed with expectation. I was going to hear the magic password to a rich, full life from the master himself. 'Yes sir?' I said. And he told me the three things. I regret that I've forgotten what they were.

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

Pray to God, but row away from the rocks.

My advice to all who have the time or inclination to concern themselves with the international language movement would be: 'Back Esperanto loyally.'

No one wants advice, only corroboration.

Always be yourself, unless you suck.

1. Find a subject you care about. 2. Do not ramble, though. 3. Keep it simple. 4. Have the guts to cut. 5. Sound like yourself. 6. Say what you mean to say. 7. Pity the readers.

My father said 'When in doubt, castle.'

You ask yourself 'What is love? Am I in love?', when what you should be asking is, 'What is not love?', ma petite. What is it that this man does for you that is not done out of love?

I say get an education. Become an electrician, a mechanic, a doctor, a lawyer - anything but a fighter. In this trade, it's the managers that make the money and last the longest.

United we stand, divided we fall, Let us not split into factions which must destroy that union upon which our existence hangs.

Ah, gentle dames! it gars me greet To think how monie counsels sweet, How monie lengthened, sage advices, The husband frae the wife despises!

My only objection to the arrangements there is the two-in-a-bed system. It is bad.... But let your words and conduct be perfectly pure - such as your mother might know without bringing a blush to your cheek.... If not already mentioned, do not tell your mother of the doubling in bed.

Our garden was debated territory between five local cats, and we'd heard that the best way to keep other cats out of the garden was to have one yourself. A moment's rational thought here will spot the slight flaw in this reasoning.

'Those who cannot help ought also not advise: in an order where every mousehole has been plugged, mere advice exactly equals condemnation.'

Regarding love... what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.

'A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.'

When I was one-and-twenty I heard a wise man say, 'Give crowns and pounds and guineas But not your heart away.'

The greatest trust, between man and man, is the trust of giving counsel. For in other confidences, men commit the parts of life; their lands, their goods, their children, their credit, some particular affair; but to such as they make their counsellors, they commit the whole: by how much the more, they are obliged to all faith and integrity.

In offering to you, my countrymen, these counsels of an old and affectionate friend, I dare not hope they will make the strong and lasting impression I could wish; that they will control the usual current of the passions, or prevent our nation from running the course, which has hitherto marked the destiny of nations. But, if I may even flatter myself, that they may be productive of some partial benefit, some occasional good; that they may now and then recur to moderate the fury of party spirit, to warn against the mischiefs of foreign intrigue, to guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism; this hope will be a full recompense for the solicitude for your welfare, by which they have been dictated.

'Girl, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself!'[2]

I am at heart a propagandist, a tremendous hater, a tiresome nag, complacently positive that there is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise.

'I have something that I call my Golden Rule. It goes something like this: 'Do unto others twenty-five percent better than you expect them to do unto you.' [Pause.] The twenty-five percent is for error.'

I don't care how loyal you think you're going to be, Dink. It's not in you. You're a brat and you always will be. So admit what a lousy follower you are, and go ahead and LEAD.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. (from Never Give a Sucker an Even Break, in response to a man who complained of imsomnia)

Down by the salley gardens my love and I did meet; She passed the salley gardens with little snow-white feet. She bid me take love easy, as the leaves grow on the tree; But I, being young and foolish, with her would not agree. In a field by the river my love and I did stand, And on my leaning shoulder she laid her snow-white hand. She bid me take life easy, as the grass grows on the weirs; But I was young and foolish, and now am full of tears.

Strum your guitar sing it kid Just write about your feelings not the things you never did Inexperience, it once had cursed me But your youth is no handicap it's what makes you thirsty

Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.

When I look around I always learn something, and that is to be yourself always, express yourself, and have faith in yourself. Do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate him. Now that seems to be the prevalent thing happening in Hong Kong, like they always copy mannerism, but they never start from the root of his being and that is, how can I be me?

He bade me observe it, and I should always find that the calamities of life were shared among the upper and lower part of mankind; but that the middle station had the fewest disasters.

Do not dump your woes upon people-keep the sad story of your life to yourself. Troubles grow by recounting them. [Pg. 156.]

In any case, write what you know will always be excellent advice to those who ought not to write at all.

Trouble with you is you don't do plenty night zazen especially when it's cold out, that's best, besides you should get married and have halfbreed babies, manuscripts, homespun blankets and mother's milk on your happy ragged mat floor like this one. Get yourself a hut house not too far from town, live cheap, go ball in the bars once in awhile, write and rumble in the hills and learn how to saw boards and talk to grandmas you damn fool, carry loads of wood for them, clap your hands at shrines, get supernatural favors, take flower-arrangement lessons and grow chrysanthemums by the door, and get married for krissakes, get a friendly smart sensitive human-being gal who don't give a shit for martinis every night and all that dumb white shit in the kitchen.

'What are your fees?' inquired Guyal cautiously. 'I respond to three questions,' stated the augur. 'For twenty terces I phrase the answer in clear and actionable language; for ten I use the language of cant, which occasionally admits of ambiguity; for five, I speak a parable which you must interpret as you will; and for one terce, I babble in an unknown tongue.' - From 'Guyal of Sfere', The Dying Earth.

Good to be merry and wise.

'The little folk dare anything', said his friend. 'And they talk a lot of nonsense. But they talks an awful lot of sense, as well. You listen to 'em at your peril, and you ignore 'em at your peril, too.'

If there's a hole in a' your coats, I rede you tent it; A chield's aman you takin' notes, And faith he'll prent it.

(When asked for advice for younger musicians) 'Break windows, smoke cigars, and stay up late. Tell 'em to do that, they'll find a little pot of gold.'

Thus, Statesman-like, I'll saucily impose, And, safe from Danger, valiantly advise; Sheltered in Impotence, urge you to Blows, And, being good for nothing else, be Wise.

Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night.

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

Fellas, when you wake up in the morning, you should look yourself in the mirror and say, 'Fuck you. Fuck your hopes, fuck your dreams, fuck your plans : fuck everything you thought this life was going to bring to you. Now let's go out there and try to make this bitch happy.'

While we spoke of many things Fools and kings This he said to me: 'The greatest thing you'll ever learn Is just to love and be loved in return.'

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

O wiselier then, from feeble yearnings freed, While, and on whom, thou may'st - shine on! nor heed Whether the object by reflected light Return thy radiance or absorb it quite: And tho' thou notest from thy safe recess Old Friends burn dim, like lamps in noisome air, Love them for what they are ; nor love them less, Because to thee they are not what they were.

'I must consider,' said Monica with a smile, 'but one can't do these things offhand--that is worse than doing nothing. I'll tell you what to do NOW. Why not go and stay with Aunt Anne? She would like to see you, I know, and I have always thought it rather lazy of you not to go there--she is rather a remarkable woman, and it's a pretty country. Have you ever been there?'

The parties are advised to chill.

Harvard's motto is 'Veritas.' Many of you have already found out and others will find out in the course of their lives that truth eludes us if we do not concentrate with total attention on its pursuit. And even while it eludes us, the illusion still lingers of knowing it and leads to many misunderstandings. Also, truth is seldom pleasant; it is almost invariably bitter. There is some bitterness in my speech today, too. But I want to stress that it comes not from an adversary but from a friend.

So would I, if I were Parmenion.

'Self-blinded are you by your pride: Look up thro' night: the world is wide. 'This truth within thy mind rehearse, That in a boundless universe Is boundless better, boundless worse. 'Think you this mould of hopes and fears Could find no statelier than his peers In yonder hundred million spheres?' It spake, moreover, in my mind: 'Tho' thou wert scatter'd to the wind, Yet is there plenty of the kind. 'This truth within thy mind rehearse, That in a boundless universe Is boundless better, boundless worse.

Mandolines all come with hand guards. You'll notice that I'm not using mine. And that is because it is almost impossible to cut carrots on a mandoline with a hand guard. I am, however, wearing a CUT-RESISTANT GLOVE! And I suggest that you do the very same thing, because food is good -- but safety should always come first.

By the way, I don't recommend this for most people. I'm just a little bit crazier than most.

Collige, virgo, rosas, dum flos novus et nova pubes, et memor esto aevum sic properare tuum.

Keed, I'll give you a little bit of advice. Don't believe anything they write about you, good or bad. Two, get the dough while the getting is good, but don't break your heart trying to get it. And don't pick up too many checks!

If we can see our difficulties, there is a way of resolving them, or the hope of a way.