Selected advice quotes

1. If I would follow your advice and Jesus could perceive it, he, as a Jewish teacher, surely would not approve of such behavior.

2. A lot of girls ask for advice on how to get into acting, and I'm kind of the worst person to ask, because it just kind of fell in my lap... I was just in the right place at the right time.

3. Don't take too seriously all that the neighbors say. Don't be overawed by what the experts say. Don't be afraid to trust your own common sense.

4. It's my old girl that advises. She has the head. But I never own to it before her. Discipline must be maintained.

5. As you get older you will gain a bit more control over everything. Don't let anyone, even your parents, break you. Find good people who care about you and surround yourself with just them. If you can't find them at first, find good music and fall into it, let it hold you until they come. I truly hope you enjoy the new record.

6. Better Counsel comes overnight.

7. Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

8. If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

9. People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

10. When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

11. Eat in the dark the bargain that you purchased in the dusk.

12. Don't give your opinions about Art and the Purpose of Life. They are of little interest and, anyway, you can't express them. Don't analyze yourself. Give the relevant facts and let your readers make their own judgments. Stick to your story. It is not the most important subject in history but it is one about which you are uniquely qualified to speak.

13. There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn. You see, advice and lovelorn don't go together. Because advice makes love sound like some sort of cognitive activity, but we know that it isn't. We all know that it's some sort of horrible chemical reaction over which we have absolutely no control. And that's why advice doesn't work.

14. There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.

15. Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

16. 'T was good advice, and meant, my son, Be good.

17. A word to the wise is infuriating.

18. I'll tell you one thing: Don't ever give anybody your best advice, because they're not going to follow it.

19. If people take any notice of what we say, we say we've been through the drug scene, man, and there's nothing like being straight.

20. Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.

21. They're fancy talkers about themselves, writers. If I had to give young writers advice, I would say don't listen to writers talking about writing or themselves.

22. If you can't be direct, why be?

23. He had only one vanity; he thought he could give advice better than any other person.

24. Anyone will be glad to admit that he knows nothing about beagling, or the Chinese stock market, or ballistics, but there is not a man or woman alive who does not claim to know how to cure hiccoughs.

25. Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

26. You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

27. When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

28. Don't be negative. It shows on your face.

29. A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

30. We give advice by the bucket, but take it by the grain.

31. It is best to love wisely, no doubt; but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all.

32. What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!

33. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

34. Never answer an anonymous letter.

35. After all, there's only one aswer to be made to the young fellow who is asking constantly for advice as to how to hit. The answer is: 'Pick out a good one and sock it!'

36. Actually, I was having dinner with Michael (Stipe, of R.E.M.) when our second album went platinum, which up until that point was the highest success we'd ever had. And he turned to me during dinner and said, 'Welcome to the deep waters, kid.' I'll never forget that.

37. 'Never,' said my aunt, 'be mean in anything; never be false; never be cruel. Avoid those three vices, Trot, and I can always be hopeful of you.'

38. I don't give advice. I can't tell anybody what to do. Instead I say this is what we know about this problem at this time. And here are the consequences of these actions.

39. The first time that I appeared on stage, it scared me to death. I really didn't know what all the yelling was about. I didn't realize that my body was moving. It's a natural thing to me. So to the manager backstage I said, 'What'd I do? What'd I do?' And he said, 'Whatever it is, go back and do it again.'

40. 'Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.'

41. And you'd find your father rather a tough customer in argeyment, Joe, if anybody was to try and tackle him.

42. I have quite a few theories on how companies can help their bands achieve greater success and stop just hemorrhaging money, but that's not part of the question. The reality is I have no idea.

43. A bunch of girls say, 'You don't need no man to help you raise no child' : shut the fuck up with the bullshit! Yeah, you could do it without a man, but that don't mean it's to be done! Shit, you can drive a car with your feet if you want to, that don't make it a good fucking idea!

44. If you are a religious apologist invited to debate Christopher Hitchens, decline.

45. The most competent physician of our world advises the patient to listen to an ignorant doctor who the patient thinks is very competent rather than to a competent doctor who the patient thinks is ignorant. He reason is that our imagination works for our good health, and as long as it is supplemented by remedies, it is capable of healing us. But the most powerful remedies are too weak when the imagination does not apply them.

46. 'A word of advice: 'get a job.''

47. Maybe you should purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.

48. Prince : Why don't you purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka?

49. Calvin : What am I supposed to do?

50. (Talking about magazines like Cosmo)'Chivalry died when women started readin the shit in all them magazines. They got too much advice about men from other women. And they don't know what the fuck they're talkin about. I see them in the grocery store, says on the cover '100 Ways to Please Your Man' by some lady. Come on man. Aint no 100 ways. That list is 4 things long. Just suck his dick, play with his balls, and then fix him a sandwhich and don't talk so much and he'll be happy!'

51. Matter of fact, the first three or four chapters are all some of you might want to bother with. That gets you to page 123 or so, which is a nice length, a nice novella sort of length.

52. Take condoms with you, with a lubricant that's not Vaseline-based so they don't rip. Oh, and take mommy's phone card so you can call her to airlift you out if things get rough. Always remove your nipple rings before entering the moshpit.

53. Do what you feel is right for you, no matter what. Believe in yourself, no matter how many people tell you that you're fucked up, do what you have to do. AS LONG as it doesn't infringe on other people's happiness.

54. Dr. Bob managed so successfully to turn the answer to every question into a mini-lecture on self-esteem and positive thinking, that Ethan wanted Hazard to arrest him on charges of Felony Cliche and Practicing Philosophy Without An Idea.

55. Perhaps we should warn you that there is one thing you won't read, and that is a pat answer for the problems of life. We don't pretend to make this a spiritual or psychological patent-medicine chest where one can come and get a pill of wisdom, to be swallowed like an aspirin, to banish the headaches of our times.

56. Law is blind without counsel. The counsel men agree with is vain: it is only the echo of their own voices. A million echoes will not help you to rule righteously. But he who does not fear you and shews you the other side is a pearl of the greatest price. Slay me and you go blind to your damnation. The greatest of God's names is Counsellor; and when your Empire is dust and your name a byword among the nations the temples of the living God shall still ring with his praise as Wonderful! Counsellor! the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.

57. Fame is something you get from other people. It's not that I have some intrinsic thing that makes me famous. If your self image depends on that fame, you're in trouble.

58. When the men on the chessboard get up and tell you where to go And you've just had some kind of mushroom, and your mind is moving low, Go ask Alice I think she'll know.

59. Vis consili expers mole ruit sua.

60. I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. **Variant: I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.

61. 'I can see the problem right away, DON'T SUCK. Cease the sucking immediately. If you decide not to suck, you'll be totally shredding all these major solos and all the chicks will be checking you out and all the guys will be hella jealous of your whammy bar.'

62. 'Get off the internet and read a book!'

63. Develop high expectations.

64. Most college students, fortunately, are brash enough never to bother asking their elders for advice, which, in the field of computer science, is a good thing, because their elders are apt to say goofy, antediluvian things like 'the demand for keypunch operators will exceed 100,000,000 by the year 2010' and 'lisp careers are really very hot right now.'

65. Though doing no wrong to any one, a person may so act as to compel us to judge him, and feel to him, as a fool, or as a being of an inferior order: and since this judgment and feeling are a fact which he would prefer to avoid, it is doing him a service to warn him of it beforehand, as of any other disagreeable consequence to which he exposes himself. It would be well, indeed, if this good office were much more freely rendered than the common notions of politeness at present permit, and if one person could honestly point out to another that he thinks him in fault, without being considered unmannerly or presuming. (p. 95)

66. We hang on to every line, And walk straight down the middle of it.

67. I said 'Lily, Oh Lily I'm so afraid I fear I am walking in the Veil of Darkness' And she said 'Child, take what I say With a pinch of salt And protect yourself with fire'

68. It's no good for you baby It's no good for you now Keep looking up for the ladder.

69. This chapter says 'Put it out of your mind' Mmm, give it time....

70. Everybody's shaking in his boots, so don't be bluffed.

71. You don't need someone else's approval to do what you want; just figure it out and do it, damn it!

72. I don't give a good goddamn what Milton Friedman says. He's not running for re-election!

73. 'You better see a doctor.' -- Replying to a fan who said 'Neil Young makes the pain go away' at United Palace Theatre in New York City, December 18, 2007.

74. Do what I want. Well, that's great advice. But what if the thing I want most in all the world can't be done?

75. Come on over tonight. Come on over this morning. Momma says, 'You only fall in love once.' ~ 'Burrito'

76. That it is unwise to be heedless ourselves while we are giving advice to others, I will show in a few lines.

77. Car on ne doit point tenir pour conseil ce qui se fait apres disner.

78. C'est une imprudence assez commune aux rois D'ecouter trop d'avis et se tromper au choix.

79. I'll never make that mistake again, reading the experts' opinions. Of course, you only live one life, and you make all your mistakes, and learn what not to do, and that's the end of you.

80. A lot of people don't get to tell me. They always say I know you're going to do what you want to do, but I'm telling you what my concerns are.

81. I don't play hard to get... I play hard to want!

82. Embrace your inner wacko, Senator Kerry.

83. You gotta find a good woman. Not too smart, not too dumb. Not too old, not too young. One that can cook and clean.

84. Every now and then they were awarded prizes - Self-Help by Smiles, and other books suitable for perusal by persons suffering from almost complete obliteration of the mental faculties.

85. By the end of the interview, I pluck up the courage to ask Susannah whether she thinks my bra fits. She stares at my chest: 'You're wearing a 34C and you should be in a 32DD.' I get home and check. She's right.

86. If I heeded all the advice I've had over the years, I've have written 18 books about Rincewind.

87. 'Try everything once except folk dancing and incest'. (This is also attributed to Sir Arnold Bax, George S. Kaufman, Oscar Wilde and Winston Churchill.)

88. 'Screw unto others before they screw above to you'

89. Hic tibi ne qua morae fuerint dispendia tanti, quamuis increpitent socii et ui cursus in altum uela uocet, possisque sinus implere secundos, quin adeas uatem precibusque oracula poscas ipsa canat uocemque uolens atque ora resoluat. illa tibi Italiae populos uenturaque bella et quo quemque modo fugiasque ferasque laborem expediet, cursusque dabit uenerata secundos. haec sunt quae nostra liceat te uoce moneri.

90. L'homme doit etre content, dit-on; mais de quoi?

91. Never drink water, fishes make love in that stuff!

92. The bad debater never knows that one explanation is better than five.

93. 'A Sort of a Song' from The Wedge (1944)

94. Beware of desp'rate steps! The darkest day (Live till tomorrow) will have passed away.

95. You know a lot of geniuses, y'know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y'know, you could learn something.

96. You don't hit with your face.

97. Hearken with your ears to these best counsels, Reflect upon them with illumined judgment. Let each one choose his creed with that freedom of choice each must have at great events.

98. My generals are always right about other people's wars and wrong about our own.

99. A buzzard took the monkey for a ride in the air The monkey thought that everything was on the square The buzzard tried to throw the monkey off his back But the monkey grabbed his neck and said - 'Now listen, Jack...' 'Straighten up and fly right Straighten up and fly right Straighten up and fly right Cool down, papa, don't you blow your top.'

100. Too much chicken soup for the soul is not a good thing. Working men eat meat and potatoes.