If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

If a man watches three football games in a row he should be declared legally dead.

I'm trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearing so that menopause and teaching a sixteen-year-old how to …

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security, and too tired for an affair.

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

It's no use crying over spilt evils. It's better to mop them up laughing.

He said I was unequipped to meet life because I had no sense of humor.