Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, 'Where is that marvelous ape?'

Like every other 13-year-old in America, she's in love with Leonardo DiCaprio, who I think is an androgynous wimp. You know what he does throughout the whole m…

Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno.

War is wretched beyond description, and only a fool or a fraud could sentimentalize its cruel reality.