(after playing 'This Sinking Feeling' by The The) - That's The The and on the record it says 'With every kick in the face and every hurdle you pass the rewards get greater', and if you've been passing hurdles you should see your doctor as soon as you possibly can.

(after playing 'I Need Someone Tonight' by A Certain Ratio) - Ah, I do like a deeply meaningful lyric, although I suppose if you need someone tonight, it is a …

Now this is... talk about not being able to pronounce things, I'm in real trouble with this next one, because the name of the band... well it's spelt K-U-K-L. …

(after playing 'Carnival of Damocles' by In Excelsis) - I'm not entirely sure Damocles was the kind of chap who went to Carnivals much, but that's the title of…

And hey there little sexy pig, you made it with a man And now you've got a little kid with hooves instead of hands.

I occasionally play works by contemporary composers and for two reasons. First to discourage the composer from writing any more and secondly to remind myself h…

Never look at the Trombones, you'll only encourage them.