22 John Peel Quotes on Humor

John Peel quotes on humor

7. On being told by a fan 'meeting you is like a dream', Peel replied 'You ought to get some bigger dreams, son.'

8. I wish I was covered in fur... or feathers... or something more interesting than just fat.

15. On one occasion Kid Jensen, Paul Burnett and myself - not a carefully honed fighting team, but nonetheless filled with drink - we went down and waited in the underground carpark at the BBC for the opportunity to beat up Simon Bates. Fortunately he didn't turn up, or we might have suffered an embarrassing reverse, as he's probably stronger than us.

18. I've had several complaints today, all asking to bring back Lisa I'Anson. This next record is for you, Mr Simpson of Plymouth. It's 'BoltThrower'... (John terrorising radio one's lunchtime audience while standing in for a sick DJ.)

19. I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones.

29. I'm back from Crete, a gorgeous golden brown. If you could see me I'm sure you would want to dance around me.

30. While that was going on my gums started bleeding. I'm not exactly sure what the significance of this is, perhaps it's the prelude to a religious experience. I certainly hope not.

31. Why am I laughing? I don't know... it's incipient madness, that's what it is. I'm quite looking forward to that actually, as I drift into an unattractive middle-age. I quite like the idea of waking up one morning quite plainly mad, I mean not dangerously mad, but just mad enough to be sent off somewhere where I can just sit and watch television and eat Indian meals for the rest of my life. I should be entirely happy doing that. You know, just waking up one morning imagining that you're something like an umbrella stand or something like that, and I find it quite an attractive prospect, I must say.

32. Well, me too, at times, I have to admit, I'm a victim of the pressures of modern life. I know that one of these days something's going to snap in my head and I'll start imagining that I'm a two and a half mile section of the East Lancs Road or something - or Phil Collins, whichever is the least interesting. (after playing 'Rat Race' by Sizzler)

33. (after playing 'How will I know when I'm really in love ?' by XXOO) - Your hat will fall off! I thought everybody knew that.

38. (after playing 'This Sinking Feeling' by The The) - That's The The and on the record it says 'With every kick in the face and every hurdle you pass the rewards get greater', and if you've been passing hurdles you should see your doctor as soon as you possibly can.

39. Now this is... talk about not being able to pronounce things, I'm in real trouble with this next one, because the name of the band... well it's spelt K-U-K-L. Now how would you pronounce that? I mean given that it's some kind of nordic language that you're not entirely familiar with. Well I checked around a bit, with people who know the band and they said, well, it's pronounced 'Curcle'. So I said 'Curcle', I mean that seems, you know, feasible... daft, but feasible... so K-U-K-L, Curcle, so I went ahead and that's what I said when I did a radio programme featuring this domestically, and a member of the band phoned up and said 'No, it's not Curcle at all, it's...' he didn't say it like this at all but he said '... it's pronounced Krchk'. And I said, well how can it be pronounced Krchk, I said, cause there's no 'R' in it... there's an 'L'... and the 'L' is at the end, you know, all that kind of thing. Anyway, he says it's Krchk, so this is Krchk, and frankly the title of the piece I have no intention at all of trying to pronounce, it's spelt S-O-N-G-U-L-L and it's almost certainly pronounced 'Lester'. (plays the record) That's Kukl, pronounced Krchk and this is John Peel's Music, pronounced 'Excuse me, but isn't that my ladder?'

42. The name of the next artiste appears to be Daniel Ponce but it's actually pronounced, I think, Pon-che, and the track itself is called Bastardo Cuentos which translates approximately as 'Oh no, not another Spanish referee'.

43. (after playing 'Another Black Friday' by The C.U.B.S.) - It's called 'Another Black Friday' and the press of it has been good as far as I can tell: 'the best production at the present time','a rise to new musical directions', 'a brilliant fusion of body and brain' ... I don't know, that sounds like a motorcycle accident.

46. And from Richard, one of the three pieces of mail which arrived this week, and it says 'Look out for the German all-female ensemble called Breast. Have they made any records?' Well if they have I certainly wouldn't be able to play them on the BBC, not with a name like that, because at the BBC nobody has breasts of course. But here at BFBS they look at things very differently. I've got quite a reasonable set of breasts myself actually.

49. And this week's programme is being engineered by Nicky, whose loveliness is enough to drive fat men to drink, but in her defence she'll come and have a drink with you while you do it. But Kevin has dropped into the studio to tell me that he's just been to see, in the last week, Yes and Status Quo. So representatives from the Peel Foundation are taking him outside for a full frontal lobotomy in the hope that something can be done to improve his emotional condition.

50. A card from Michael, and he says, could I play a record for his friend who has just come back from Nepal after two and a half years where he's been talking with the stones. I'm not entirely sure this isn't a medical condition actually, Michael. If the stones have been talking back to him, then I think we have real cause for concern.

52. My day started off particularly well with a phonecall from Richard in Germany who told me, he says 'Do you want any wine? My father owns a vineyard.' Owns a vineyard??!! So I said 'Next time I come to Germany I shall come and stay with you - probably for several years'. (plays a record) I'm always very pleased to get letters or indeed phonecalls from anybody whose family own vineyards - or Mercedes Benz dealerships, or, because I have so many children, a toilet paper factory as well, if you want to get in touch.

55. Rip, Rig & Panic have in fact broken up, because some of them live across the road from my mum. Not that they've told me that they've broken up but I can see them in there and they look broken up.

59. (After playing 'My Darling' by Ivor Cutler): Well if that's an example of Ivor Cutler's reality, just imagine what his dreams must be like.

61. (After playing Napalm Death's one-second song 'You Suffer') Haha, it can't be that short.

62. (After playing 'Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want' by The Smiths): Well, I wanted a video camera for Christmas but I didn't get one.