I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones.

I've had several complaints today, all asking to bring back Lisa I'Anson. This next record is for you, Mr Simpson of Plymouth. It's 'BoltThrower'... (John terr…

You can either see it as selfless dedication to public service broadcasting, or a shocking lack of ambition. (On his career at Radio One)

Climbing into bed with Sheila and doing what we call wrapping - she's only five foot, and I kind of wrap round her and immediately I feel at peace. (Asked 'Wha…

Oh, I'm not a true genius. I'm a near genius. I would say I'm a short genius. I'd rather be tall and normal than a short genius.

'Did you sleep good?' 'No, I made a couple of mistakes.'

It's no use crying over spilt evils. It's better to mop them up laughing.