'I got confused. I thought it was a K.Y. scare, so I bought 2000 jars of personal lubricant. I still have some.'

'Nicollette Sheridan? Personality of spam.'

'The movie Clueless was really big in the '90s, because it was superficial AND deep, like liposuction, which was also really big in the '90s.'

'I decided to go visit the pet cemetery where my dead dog Buster was buried. My grandmother always used to say, 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.' Bu…

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put …

Let's say, for instance, I'm out of cheese. And then I'll think, oh, but what if I go to the store and they're out of cheese? I'd be like, 'How can you be out …

I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.