I forgot out there on the stage to thank my cast. So if I could do that now, I want to thank Mr. Bush, Mr. Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz and Donald Rumsfeld. I thought the love scene between Cheney and Rumsfeld brought a tear to my eye.

He is probably choking on a pretzel or something. I hope nobody tells him that I have won this award while he is eating a pretzel. ... He has the funniest line…

I don't agree with the copyright laws, and I don't have a problem with people downloading the movie and sharing it with people: as long as they're not doing it…

Stop this war! Shame on you Hobbits! Shame on you! This is a fictitious war! This Lord was not elected by the popular - [a computer-generated Oliphaunt steps o…