I get all the news I need from the weather report.

Zebras are reactionaries, Antelopes are missionaries, Pigeons plot in secrecy, And hamsters turn on frequently.

When you're weary Feeling small When tears are in your eyes I will dry them all I'm on your side When times get rough And friends just can't be found Like a br…

The monkeys stand for honesty, Giraffes are insincere, And the elephants are kindly but They're dumb. Orangutans are skeptical Of changes in their cages, And t…

Dorion, ridiculing the description of a tempest in the 'Nautilus' of Timotheus, said that he had seen a more formidable storm in a boiling saucepan.

I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's failures.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.