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It's paradoxical that where people are the most closely crowded, in the big coastal cities in the East and West, the loneliness is the greatest. Back where people were so spread out in western Oregon and Idaho and Montana and the Dakotas you'd think the loneliness would have been greater, but we didn't see it so much. The explanation, I suppose, is that the physical distance between people has nothing to do with loneliness. It's psychic distance, and in Montana and Idaho the physical distances are big but the psychic distances between people are small, and here it's reversed.

Robert M. Pirsig#34

PsychologyLonelinessCommunityUrban

About this quote

What does it mean?
Loneliness depends more on psychic distance than physical distance; crowded cities feel lonelier while remote areas feel more connected.
In plain terms
Being close physically doesn’t guarantee feeling close emotionally.
What can you take from it?
Cultivate emotional connections regardless of location.

Where it applies

  • urban living
  • rural life
  • remote work

Putting it to work

  • join community groups
  • practice active listening

Questions to consider

  • Why do you feel lonely in crowds?
  • What bridges psychic distance?

Another view

Other factors like personal temperament also affect loneliness.

More from Robert M. Pirsig

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  2. That's the way it must have been a hundred or two hundred years ago. Hardly any people and hardly any loneliness. I'm undoubtedly over-generalizing, but if the…

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  3. Religion isn't invented by man. Men are invented by religion. Men invent responses to Quality, and among these responses is an understanding of what they thems…

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