Earlier in the evening, Colbert had been beaten in the Outstanding Individual Performance category by Barry Manilow.

Stewart: We are here to honor achievement in [reality television]...

My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned, but an idiot: So we said, 'Let's give him a promotion.'

Colbert: (talking about reality TV): It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.

Josephus (Gregory Hines): 'I'm Josephus, and I'm the main course over at the Colosseum!'

Bobby Flay's getting ready to crack some coconuts. He's choosing his arsenal for that.. his head, he's using his head--which may be the hardest thing here in K…

This is The Tonight Show. I can't tell you too much about it, other than the fact that this program is going to go on forever.