Quote #28
I can levitate birds. No one cares.
More from Steven Wright
- I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.
- I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, 'Steven, time to go to sleep.' I said, 'But I don't know how.' She said, 'It'…
- I broke a mirror in my house. I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
- I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this…
- (a few minutes later) I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it... Just checking.
- I don't have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once.
- I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it... Mine's a bit different, though. Mine has a little plow that comes out…
- I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fi…