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Steven Wright
Quote #4
A fool and his money are soon partying.
More from Steven Wright
A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. Wh…
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were h…
'So, do you live around here often?'
A while ago, I left my apartment building and walked my dog... on the ledge. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of w…
'Did you sleep good?' 'No, I made a couple of mistakes.'
About a year ago, my girlfriend was on the pill, wearing a diaphragm, and an IUD all at once. Recently, she had a baby; baby was born weari…
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried …
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