It's an interesting fact that fewer than 17 % of Real cats end their lives with the same name they started with. Much family effort goes into selecting one at the start ('She looks like a Winnifred to me'), and the as the years roll by it suddenly finds itself being called Meepo or Ratbag.

Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.

Next comes the realist phase ('After all, from a purely geometrical point of view a cat is only a tube with a door at the top.').

Boot-faced cats aren't born but made, often because they've tried to outstare or occasionally rape a speeding car and have been repaired by a vet who just pull…

'For some reason, cats are usually addressed familiarly, though no cat has ever drunk bruderschaft with anyone.'

Why did you name him Sam? Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named Sam!

You know what gets me? ... How everybody says 'fuck' and 'shit' all the time. I used to be scared shitless I'd say 'fuck' or 'shit' in public, by accident. Now…