57 Pets Quotes

Every time I decide I want a child I get another pet. I have 3 dogs, 13 birds and 3 horses, what does that tell you?

I thought it would be lovely to use [pet bulldog] Noelle as an example to teach the importance of being who you are. For me it's important to inspire children in a positive way, and at times they understand more messages through entertainment than when one is talking to them directly.

My friends call me 'Dolittle One' [a reference to her physical stature and affinity for animals].

It's like having a pet dog for a long time. You get attached to it, and when it dies you miss it.

When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they're just sitting there thinking up ways to get even.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar.

'For some reason, cats are usually addressed familiarly, though no cat has ever drunk bruderschaft with anyone.'

It's an interesting fact that fewer than 17 % of Real cats end their lives with the same name they started with. Much family effort goes into selecting one at the start ('She looks like a Winnifred to me'), and the as the years roll by it suddenly finds itself being called Meepo or Ratbag.

I totally animal-oriented. I've got nine dogs, eight birds, turtles, fish -- and I had wallabies at one point.

'Spiffy is a free loading, deadbeat kitty who sits around on my couch, watches TV all day and eats all the Triscuits.'

One has never known a good man to whom dogs were not dear; but many of the best women have no such fondness. You will find that the woman who is really kind to dogs is always one who has failed to inspire sympathy in men. For the attractive woman, dogs are mere dumb and restless brutes - possibly dangerous, certainly soulless. Yet will coquetry teach her to caress any dog in the presence of a man enslaved by her.

My apartment is infested with koala bears. Its the cutest infestation ever. Much better than cockroaches.

I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!' He's much smarter now... Now when I call him he just ignores me and keeps on typing.

Rabbits. You know bunnies. If you don't look out for them, the little bastards sneak up on you and bite you and shit.

When I was real younger I had a hermit crab. I remember when I was real young I wanted a tarantula but my mom wouldn't let me have a tarantula. Cats. Most of my life I had cats. I had a venus fly trap once.

This is Stupid Pet Tricks... and remember this is an exhibition not a competition so please, no wagering.

The gingham dog went 'Bow-wow-wow!' And the calico cat replied 'Mee-ow!' The air was littered, an hour or so, With bits of gingham and calico.

I had always thought about a lullaby album. But when Noelle came along, my little Colombian bulldog, she really gave me a plethora of ideas. I remembered when I was little in Texas and I was the only Hispanic in my class. Because the first book was about feelings, how Noelle's weaknesses turned into her strengths. That you have to keep your identity.

If Michael Jackson could write a song for a rat, I could write a song for [my pet bulldog] Noelle.

'Perhaps you could name your cat Meow so it could be smart and say its own name. Or you could name it Stupidcatgetoutofhere and it would be really confused if you tried to call it over to you.'

[The cat] and I have an agreement: I leave her alone and don't make sudden moves when I wake up to find her perched on my chest, staring with an unblinking hostile gaze at my face and in return she rarely mutilates me.

Rance: A search party must be organized. What have you in the way of dogs? Prentice: A spaniel and a miniature poodle. Rance: Let them be unleashed!

PLA ce bo! Who is there, who? Di le xi! Dame Margery, Fa, re, my, my. Wherefore and why, why? For the soul of Philip Sparrow That was late slain at Carrow, Among the Nunnes Black. For that sweet soules sake, And for all sparrows' souls, Set in our bead-rolls, Pater noster qui, With an Ave Mari, And with the corner of a Creed, The more shall be your meed.

When I remember again How my Philip was slain, Never half the pain Was between you twain, Pyramus and Thisbe, As then befell to me. I wept and I wailed, The teares down hailed, But nothing it availed To call Philip again Whom Gib, our cat, hath slain.

Like Andromach, Hector's wife, Was weary of her life, When she had lost her joy, Noble Hector of Troy; In like manner also Increaseth my deadly woe, For my sparrow is go.

I think I became an animal rights activist for two reasons. One is that my best friend, the one that has lived with me and loved me the longest... is my dog Al Finney. Someone told me once that animals don't have hearts and souls...Well ,if that is true, then I have loved and been madly loved, and comforted by a stuffed animal for the last 15 years.

I love my kitties, they are like my babies - I talk to them on the phone. I am like, 'Hi Mom,' she's like, 'Hi'...I am like, 'Put me on with the cats,'' she laughs. 'I'm like, 'hi baby, how's my little girl?'

Well, I was missing my earplugs. And the way that I found out why they're missing is because the little Elmo -- his five pounds -- came in to the bedroom and deposited something on -- he came in from outside, he put something on the rug and was going to eat it. And I walked over and it was an earplug that had already been in and back out -- and apparently so delicious ... he wanted it again!

Assigning human personalities to animals is the chief trait of the pet owner-the doting dog-lover with his baby talk, the smug stay-at-home with a fat lump of fur on her lap who says, 'Me, I'm a cat person,' and the granny who puts her nose against the tin cage and makes kissing noises at her parakeet. Their affection is often tinged with a sense of superiority. Deer and duck hunters never talk this way about their prey, though big game hunters-Hemingway is the classic example-often sentimentalize the creatures they blow to bits and then lovingly stuff to hang on the wall.

Sir Leoline, the Baron rich, Hath a toothless mastiff bitch.

Old dog Tray 's ever faithful; Grief can not drive him away; He is gentle, he is kind- I shall never, never find A better friend than old dog Tray!

Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.

You have no control over your cat! You can't say to your cat, 'Cat, heel! Stay! Wait! Lie down! Roll over!' 'Cause the cat's just gonna be sitting there going, 'Interesting words: Have you finished?' While you're shouting all this to your cat, your dog's next to you, going: (mimes obeying all commands) 'What the hell are you doing? I'm talking to the cat!' 'Oh, I'm sorry!'

We throw sticks at dogs, that's the level we have dogs at. You'd never dream of throwing one for a cat. We throw sticks for dogs, and dogs go, 'Oh, he's dropped his stick! I better go and get that: (mimes chasing after the stick) Saw you dropped your stick there. Thought I'd bring it back: And you hang on: (mimes giving the stick back and follows it with eyes as it's thrown again) Did you see me just bring that back? And then you...you dropped it again? This is very weird I don't know what's going on here (mimes bringing the stick back again) Now hang on to it this time, I don't want to piss about all the time. You think I enjoy this? There you: Don't fucking throw it!!' That's why the third time, when they come back, they won't give it to you, they go, (through clenched teeth) 'No: I won't let you take it!'

Outside of a dog, a book is Man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Now I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance - a sharp, vindictive glance.

I am not a dog lover. A dog lover to me means a dog that is in love with another dog.

You don't need to hire a dog therapist, you just need to wake up at 7 am and open the fucking door!

[after one of his dogs urinated in the bedroom] Who pissed!!? Who pissed on my fucking carpet!?! That bastard fucking dog man. I'm going to throw you in the pool! Get the fuck out of my house! Why do they do it Sharon? Whats the deal man? It's a fucking terrorist man! It's fucking part of Bin Laden's gang! Fucking Ali Baba used to go work on this rug.

We did long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we decided to buy a dog. Cheaper, and: get more feet.

I don't want Church to be like all those dead pets! I don't want Church to ever be dead! He's my cat! He's not God's cat! Let God have His own cat! Let God have all the damn old cats He wants, and kill them all! Church is mine!

You stroke a dog, the dog goes, 'oooooooo:' and cats go (purring/drilling sound), because they're drilling, aren't they? That's what they're doing. They're drilling, they drill for gold! They drill for oil, they drill for anything! Just for the love of drilling! When they're behind your sofa, they're just drilling. (mimes drilling) They've got goggles on, it's okay! There's a compressor over there...Your friends come and say, 'I think your cat's drilling behind your sofa!' 'I don't think so, that's purring, that noise, isn't it? Cat, are you drilling?' And the cat hears this, whips off the goggles, (mimes coming from behind the sofa), 'No, no: Drilling? No! No, I'm a cat! How would I know how to drill? That's purring you're thinking of, purring! Oh, yes, purring! Having a good ole purr back here: no drilling. No, no, okay: ' (mimes putting goggles back on and resuming drilling) Sometimes they drill 40, 50 feet, you know, just for the hell of it.

'Sit, Alla!!!'