Megan Mullally Quotes

Megan Mullally shares witty, candid thoughts about love, pets, and childhood fears.

49 quotes

1. It doesn't matter who you love, it's that you love. Who cares if men marry men or women marry women? In San Francisco you don't care, and I applaud that. And I applaud Mayor Newsom for being so brave.

2. See, I thought that Jay has had too many high class, very hoity-toity guests on this week. And I wanted to bring everything down a notch or two.

3. 'He's kicking such major ass that it's insane!'

4. It is no big deal to me. I have always been attracted to women, and I went on dates with women if they asked me.... It did not seem that different to me. But then I met my [husband], and now he is the apple of my eye.

5. I consider myself bisexual, and my philosophy is, everyone innately is, although I've never had a full-on relationship with a woman, just a couple of what I'd term half-assed dalliances. So I haven't explored it to the degree that I'd like to, but I'll tell you, I'm open to it. And I don't have any problem saying that.

6. [Madonna] worked so hard that it was really very touching. She's a perfectionist and there's never been anyone on the show that wanted to rehearse more than Madonna did. She wanted to rehearse her scenes over and over again.

7. Chicago is my favorite American city. ... I like all the museums. I love the Art Institute. I love all the theatre and the blues clubs and bars, and the people are so great. I think Chicago is the perfect blend of a big city with a Midwestern finish on it. Everybody is really nice but it is a sophisticated city. I love the park. I love the zoo. I love the lake. The whole thing.

8. I like to take chances, and that's the key to comedy -- dancing like an idiot but doing it with wild abandon.

9. I said, `Now, wait a minute, so you're telling me you want this fish who lives in a fish tank in a dentist's office to be a fictitious character from an NBC sitcom?' I mean, it just doesn't make any sense to me. It's like, why would you want Mickey Mouse to be the lead in the `House of the Seven Gables' or something.

10. I couldn't pronounce my last name until I was, like, 11.

11. Well, I was missing my earplugs. And the way that I found out why they're missing is because the little Elmo -- his five pounds -- came in to the bedroom and deposited something on -- he came in from outside, he put something on the rug and was going to eat it. And I walked over and it was an earplug that had already been in and back out -- and apparently so delicious ... he wanted it again!

12. One day when I'm walking and I see -- at first I thought maybe he was resting -- but I saw a big dead seal on the beach, which was really sad. However, the thing that I thought was puzzling was there was a couple, a young guy and a girl on a beach towel not 15 feet from this big, dead mammal, and I look up and they're waving at me, like, 'Isn't it a pretty day?' And I'm like, 'There's a big dead seal right there.' They're putting on lotion. It was just bizarre. And, curtain. I just didn't want to be at the beach anymore.

13. My off-white poodle. She doesn't consider herself to be gay, but I have my hunch.

14. So I light the fire with the lighter and then I'm like, 'Now, how am I going to light the candles?' And I'm racing through the house, tearing open drawers and throwing things out of closets, looking for matches ... and I had just lit the fire with the thing!!! And then I was like, 'How did I light the fire?' So then l took the thing and lit the candles.

15. I'm going to climb up this ladder, you understand, to this gate that's like this high and I'm going to pass two dogs and some bags and myself over the thing into a cab driver's arms. THAT's my plan!

16. My best friend was at the grocery store standing behind these two guys in line, and one of the guys told the other that I was a man. He said, 'If you look closely, you can tell that she is,' and the other guy was like, 'Oh, my God! Now that you mention it, she is a man!'. So I'm denying that I'm a man.

17. I should have my 'girl citizenship' revoked. I never get facials. I never get my nails done. I'm so busy.

18. I like looser clothes, which always prompts my mom to say something classic like, 'You have such a darling figure - show it off more!'

19. One tabloid had an article about how I was an irresistible sex- and man-magnet and how men flock to me. Of course, they were absolutely correct...

20. I am terrified of mayonnaise. It was so bad when I was little that my friends would chase me around the house with a jar of mayonnaise and a knife.

21. I've been going to the same grocery store for 13 years, and all of a sudden one day everybody was like, 'Oh, my God...'

22. You don't need someone else's approval to do what you want; just figure it out and do it, damn it!

23. I'm really good at staying home all day in my pajamas because I had a [dad] who did that.

24. Two days ago, I dreamt I married a 5-year-old boy. He treated me like a queen and was perfectly lovely. We took a driving trip for our honeymoon. Then it dawned on me: 'Oh my God! He doesn't have a driver's license! We could get arrested!''

25. If I weren't an actress playing a socialite, I'd have lavender hair, wear crappy vintage clothes and have tattoos. I'd be some kind of crazy lawless rebel - an alternative underground riot girl.

26. People see you one way and think, 'That's not her real thing, she's just putting that on now.' But that is! That's where my creativity really resides. Where it all springs. My characters are really bizarre. They're kind of dark and not really considered great people. It all comes from the same dark place, it's just filtered through comedy.

27. A lot of people come up to me and say, 'Oh God, I'm just like Karen, that's what they [tell me] at the office'. I'm like, 'You know what? The people in your office may not be giving you a compliment. You may be getting fired soon.'

28. I had a lot of friends for a long time who were gay, and I didn't even realize it for awhile. Even in my mid- to late 20s, I was still pretty naive about it.

29. I secretly had this name 'Nancy and Beth' come into my mind, and I thought, 'Oh my God, that's such a funny, interesting, weird name for a band.'

30. I think theater is more about living and breathing, versus TV, which can vary.

31. I love Chicago - absolutely love Chicago. I mean, I'd much rather go to Chicago and do a play or a musical than New York, honestly. Because just probably for reasons that are obvious to you. It's just a little bit - it's a nicer, easier city.

32. The ratio of celebrity divorces is probably about the same as non-celebrity divorces; it's just that the non-celebrity divorces don't get a lot of public scrutiny, normally.

33. Why can't I ever play a nice, normal, salt-of-the-earth type? Is there something I should know? It's fun to play villains and character roles, of course - but I'm sure it's also fun to be a really big star and play the lead in everything, where all you have to do is show up and not blink.

34. We already do a couple numbers with chairs - chairs being a classic, Bob Fosse-ish, showbizzy prop, but the punk element is that it's just me and Stephanie and this funky band from Austin.

35. Isn't that sort of what happened with gay marriage? Right before gay marriage was legalized, everybody was just losing their minds and, like, the worst possible things were happening, and it was just all like it couldn't get any worse, and then it suddenly got a lot better.

36. Sean is so funny. One time he went to Ireland for two weeks with his mother, and Ireland is so beautiful, and he got back; we were like, 'How was it?' and he was like, 'Ugh I was so bored.'

37. My mom was extremely supportive of me, but it could err on the side of... I mean, there's supportive, and then there's just full-on over-hovering.

38. I think a lot of actors, maybe who have been on a hit show and been lucky enough to get successful, might say 'no' more than I do. And maybe that's good, maybe that's smart. I don't know.

39. Nick's just from this very Norman Rockwell-ish family. They're very 'American Gothic,' and his parents are so kind, and they're not brash people; they're very soft spoken, salt of the earth.

40. He proposed, in London, in 2002.

41. He is not like Ron Swanson at all because he's very emotional and vulnerable. He is all of the things that I guess Ron was really deep down. He's not a Libertarian, but he does like bacon and meat.

42. I like to work. I mean, part of it for me is that I was a struggling actor, could barely pay my rent, until I was almost 40.

43. I'll quit coffee. It won't be easy drinking my Bailey's straight, but I'll get used to it. It'll still be the best part of waking up.

44. Karen will never die. Max Mutchnick, one of the creators of the show, has always maintained that Karen is a bat who balls up and hangs from a rafter and sleeps during the day and that she'll live forever.

45. I can understand everybody associates me with Karen, but beyond that, I think after time passes and a few years go by, that sort of becomes a non-issue. That character is far - I mean really, all the characters I've played are pretty far away from what I'm really like.

46. Multi-camera's fun because you have the immediacy of the audience and just being able to tell the story more or less straight through. The thing I like about single-camera is that you have the luxury of shooting a lot of different options.

47. We're both big Glen Campbell fans - it's one of the things that united us in eternal love.

48. Woody Harrelson played a long-term love interest of Debra Messing's; I think it was for a whole season. They almost cast Nick in that part. They almost had given to him. But at the eleventh hour, Jim Burrows put in a call to Woody, and he said he would do it.

49. I started 'Will & Grace' when I was 39, and Nick started 'Parks and Rec' when he was 39. And he's really on the same trajectory; it's all happening with the same timing. It's so funny to see it all happening again.