I'm going to climb up this ladder, you understand, to this gate that's like this high and I'm going to pass two dogs and some bags and myself over the thing into a cab driver's arms. THAT's my plan!

So I light the fire with the lighter and then I'm like, 'Now, how am I going to light the candles?' And I'm racing through the house, tearing open drawers and …

My best friend was at the grocery store standing behind these two guys in line, and one of the guys told the other that I was a man. He said, 'If you look clos…

My off-white poodle. She doesn't consider herself to be gay, but I have my hunch.

Here's to the day when it is May And care as light as a feather, When your little shoes and my big boots Go tramping over the heather.

Now in Ireland, now in England, now in Normandy - he must fly rather than go by horse or ship.

The world's a fine place for those who go out to take it; there's lots of unknown stuff' in it yet. I'll fill your lap, my pretty, so full of treasures that yo…