My best friend was at the grocery store standing behind these two guys in line, and one of the guys told the other that I was a man. He said, 'If you look closely, you can tell that she is,' and the other guy was like, 'Oh, my God! Now that you mention it, she is a man!'. So I'm denying that I'm a man.

I'm going to climb up this ladder, you understand, to this gate that's like this high and I'm going to pass two dogs and some bags and myself over the thing in…

I should have my 'girl citizenship' revoked. I never get facials. I never get my nails done. I'm so busy.

So I light the fire with the lighter and then I'm like, 'Now, how am I going to light the candles?' And I'm racing through the house, tearing open drawers and …

On the infrequent occasions when I have been called upon in a formal place to play the bongo drums, the introducer never seems to find it necessary to mention …

[When asked what he would do if he were a woman for a day] Could I have sex with myself? Could there still be me and then a girl me?

'As everyone knows, a fag is a homosexual gentleman who has just left the room.'