You have no control over your cat! You can't say to your cat, 'Cat, heel! Stay! Wait! Lie down! Roll over!' 'Cause the cat's just gonna be sitting there going, 'Interesting words: Have you finished?' While you're shouting all this to your cat, your dog's next to you, going: (mimes obeying all commands) 'What the hell are you doing? I'm talking to the cat!' 'Oh, I'm sorry!'

Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.

We throw sticks at dogs, that's the level we have dogs at. You'd never dream of throwing one for a cat. We throw sticks for dogs, and dogs go, 'Oh, he's droppe…

You stroke a dog, the dog goes, 'oooooooo:' and cats go (purring/drilling sound), because they're drilling, aren't they? That's what they're doing. They're dri…

Now I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance - a sharp, vindictive glance.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

'Sit, Alla!!!'