4 Eddie Izzard Quotes on Cats

Eddie Izzard quotes on cats

81. You stroke a dog, the dog goes, 'oooooooo:' and cats go (purring/drilling sound), because they're drilling, aren't they? That's what they're doing. They're drilling, they drill for gold! They drill for oil, they drill for anything! Just for the love of drilling! When they're behind your sofa, they're just drilling. (mimes drilling) They've got goggles on, it's okay! There's a compressor over there...Your friends come and say, 'I think your cat's drilling behind your sofa!' 'I don't think so, that's purring, that noise, isn't it? Cat, are you drilling?' And the cat hears this, whips off the goggles, (mimes coming from behind the sofa), 'No, no: Drilling? No! No, I'm a cat! How would I know how to drill? That's purring you're thinking of, purring! Oh, yes, purring! Having a good ole purr back here: no drilling. No, no, okay: ' (mimes putting goggles back on and resuming drilling) Sometimes they drill 40, 50 feet, you know, just for the hell of it.

82. Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.

83. You have no control over your cat! You can't say to your cat, 'Cat, heel! Stay! Wait! Lie down! Roll over!' 'Cause the cat's just gonna be sitting there going, 'Interesting words: Have you finished?' While you're shouting all this to your cat, your dog's next to you, going: (mimes obeying all commands) 'What the hell are you doing? I'm talking to the cat!' 'Oh, I'm sorry!'

85. And cats leap up walls! Six foot walls, they just go: 'Fwang' (mimes cat jumping) Lands perfectly, and turn: turn: and back flip and forward flip, and dismount! They always land perfectly, they never do that sort of wobbly-gymnast : (mimes wobbling) You never see cats on a wall having a problem, do you? You never see a cat going, (mimes tentative walk) 'Fucking 'ell..! I'm not sure about this:' and a cat on the ground, going, 'Easy, Ginger! Walk it out!'