11 Eddie Izzard Quotes on Identity

Eddie Izzard quotes on identity

5. Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, 'Raar-ra-ra-yum-yum-yum'. And occasionally they stop and they go [gasps, starts, then pauses and looks around, wide-eyed] As if they're going, 'Did I leave the gas on? [sudden happy realization] No! No, I'm a fucking squirrel!' [munching nuts]

12. This bloke who pinned a note on a door, saying 'Hang on a minute!' But in German, so: 'Ein minuten bitte! Ich habe eine kleinen problemo avec diese religiones.' [pause] He was from everywhere.

15. I'm an executive transvestite.

28. Italy invented fascism. Mussolini in 1922 said 'Right, we're all fascists', but most Italian people are always on scooters, going, 'Ciao!'

45. 'Danger' could be my middle name : but it's 'John'.

50. 'I'm the Queen, I'll live forever, I'll never die, I'll live to a million!'

62. 'My name is Mrs. Smith, I've made apples out of bread and dripping, a bit of green paint, and corrugated iron.' 'No, these are horrible apples, Mrs. Smith. Go away, Mrs. Smith! Go away until your daughter has a baby.' 'Shag, daughter, shag! It's a marketing idea, shag for babies! (mimes running back) My daughter's had a baby, I'm Granny Smith now!' 'Come in, Granny Smith! You're a wonderful idea, you! Come in with your shiny apples.'

80. I am two lesbians in a man's body.

86. Some people say 'Oh, I wish I was a transvestite!' and I say, 'Well, if you work hard at school, maybe one day, you know: After your exams:'

87. On the Netherlands and marijuana: 'Have you seen the canals?' 'I am a canal!!'

90. It didn't seem to work, cause no matter how much make up I wore people just kept saying, 'Yes, Sir!, Would you like tea with that Sir?!' 'Yes, I would like tea, why don't you put it on my breasts?' 'Certainly, tea for this man's breasts! Anything else, sir?' 'No, just fuck off'