Eddie Izzard Quotes on Identity
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Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, 'Raar-ra-ra-yum-yum-yum'. And occasionally they stop and they go [gasps, starts, then pauses and looks around, wide-eyed] As if they're going, 'Did I leave the gas on? [sudden happy realization] No! No, I'm a fucking squirrel!' [munching nuts]
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This bloke who pinned a note on a door, saying 'Hang on a minute!' But in German, so: 'Ein minuten bitte! Ich habe eine kleinen problemo avec diese religiones.' [pause] He was from everywhere.
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I'm an executive transvestite.
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Italy invented fascism. Mussolini in 1922 said 'Right, we're all fascists', but most Italian people are always on scooters, going, 'Ciao!'
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'Danger' could be my middle name : but it's 'John'.
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'I'm the Queen, I'll live forever, I'll never die, I'll live to a million!'
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'My name is Mrs. Smith, I've made apples out of bread and dripping, a bit of green paint, and corrugated iron.' 'No, these are horrible apples, Mrs. Smith. Go away, Mrs. Smith! Go away until your daughter has a baby.' 'Shag, daughter, shag! It's a marketing idea, shag for babies! (mimes running back) My daughter's had a baby, I'm Granny Smith now!' 'Come in, Granny Smith! You're a wonderful idea, you! Come in with your shiny apples.'
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I am two lesbians in a man's body.
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Some people say 'Oh, I wish I was a transvestite!' and I say, 'Well, if you work hard at school, maybe one day, you know: After your exams:'
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On the Netherlands and marijuana: 'Have you seen the canals?' 'I am a canal!!'
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It didn't seem to work, cause no matter how much make up I wore people just kept saying, 'Yes, Sir!, Would you like tea with that Sir?!' 'Yes, I would like tea, why don't you put it on my breasts?' 'Certainly, tea for this man's breasts! Anything else, sir?' 'No, just fuck off'