Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, 'Raar-ra-ra-yum-yum-yum'. And occasionally they stop and they go [gasps, starts, then pauses and looks around, wide-eyed] As if they're going, 'Did I leave the gas on? [sudden happy realization] No! No, I'm a fucking squirrel!' [munching nuts]

Cable cars are fun. Everyone gets on board and becomes a rhesus monkey. No one talks on a cable car, they just hang and stare : And the guy in the front, with …

There's no Church of England fundamentalism. We can't have Church of England fundamentalism. You know, like they have Islamic fundamentalism. Jihad! : Ah ha :

When I was a kid in school, the career advisor came to see us and said, 'Look, I advise you to get a career, what can I say?' And he took me aside and he said,…

My off-white poodle. She doesn't consider herself to be gay, but I have my hunch.

I'll just imagine he had an operation. The horn was removed to make him feel less - freakish! Now he will feel more at home with the other horses, the ones tha…

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of his head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it.