When I was a kid in school, the career advisor came to see us and said, 'Look, I advise you to get a career, what can I say?' And he took me aside and he said, 'What d'ya wanna do, kid? What do you wanna do with your life? Tell me your dreams!' So I said, 'I wanna be an astronaut! And go into outer space and discover things that no one's ever discovered before!' He said, 'Look, you're British, so scale it down a bit.' 'All right, then I wanna work in a shoeshop! And discover shoes that no-one's ever discovered! Right at the back of the shop on the left :' He said, 'Look, you're British, so scale it down a bit!' 'All right, then I wanna work in a sewer. And discover sewage that no-one's ever discovered before. I'll pile it on my head, then come to the surface and sell myself to an art gallery.' He said, 'What the fuck have you been smoking, eh? You certainly haven't been smoking in a bar in California!' [to audience] Because you can't! Yes : no smoking in bars, and soon no drinking and no talking!

Humor·Culture·Career·Dreams