More from Eddie Izzard

  1. In my first year I was taught about the slide rule. They said, 'The slide rule is important. Without it you can do nothing. The slide rule …
  2. When I was a kid in school, the career advisor came to see us and said, 'Look, I advise you to get a career, what can I say?' And he took m…
  3. Cable cars are fun. Everyone gets on board and becomes a rhesus monkey. No one talks on a cable car, they just hang and stare : And the guy…
  4. Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, 'Raar-ra-ra-yum-yum-yum'. And occasionally they stop and they go [gasps, starts…
  5. There's no Church of England fundamentalism. We can't have Church of England fundamentalism. You know, like they have Islamic fundamentalis…
  6. I mean, you trust them with your life! They could have their fingers in your nostrils, one foot on the back of your underpants, and they're…
  7. His name changed from Jerry Dorsey to Englbert Humperdink! I mean, I'd just like to be in the room when they were working that one through:…
  8. 'Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I did an original sin. I poked a badger with a spoon.' 'Say five Hail Mary's and six Hello Dolly's!'

All Eddie Izzard quotes