Cable cars are fun. Everyone gets on board and becomes a rhesus monkey. No one talks on a cable car, they just hang and stare : And the guy in the front, with no steering wheel, going, 'What the fuck. What the fuck's this one do?' [miming pulling levers] Pulling levers, levers : Is it four levers that just do fuck all? That it? He's always ringing that bell, going, 'Help! Help!' [imitates bell ringing] Endless bell ringing! What is he, the Hunchback of Notre Dame? The bell : him and the guy from the stock market are the same person, I think. At the end of the stock market, they ring a bell. It's the same bell. Oh, yes. [Pause. Mimes writing on palm] 'Never link those two together again.'

When I was a kid in school, the career advisor came to see us and said, 'Look, I advise you to get a career, what can I say?' And he took me aside and he said,…

Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, 'Raar-ra-ra-yum-yum-yum'. And occasionally they stop and they go [gasps, starts, then pauses and lo…

So, San Francisco!

Some forms of reality are so horrible we refuse to face them, unless we are trapped into it by comedy. To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit d…

'Out came Ms. Hilton in a Juicy track suit, chattering away like a Gibbon on her jewel encrusted cell phone. It was like magic, if magic were like a extra-stre…

Kenneth: If you're so hot, you'd better tell me how to say she has ideas above her station. Brian: Oh, yes, I forgot. It's fairly easy, old boy. Elle a des ide…