7 Eddie Izzard Quotes on Culture

Eddie Izzard quotes on culture

3. When I was a kid in school, the career advisor came to see us and said, 'Look, I advise you to get a career, what can I say?' And he took me aside and he said, 'What d'ya wanna do, kid? What do you wanna do with your life? Tell me your dreams!' So I said, 'I wanna be an astronaut! And go into outer space and discover things that no one's ever discovered before!' He said, 'Look, you're British, so scale it down a bit.' 'All right, then I wanna work in a shoeshop! And discover shoes that no-one's ever discovered! Right at the back of the shop on the left :' He said, 'Look, you're British, so scale it down a bit!' 'All right, then I wanna work in a sewer. And discover sewage that no-one's ever discovered before. I'll pile it on my head, then come to the surface and sell myself to an art gallery.' He said, 'What the fuck have you been smoking, eh? You certainly haven't been smoking in a bar in California!' [to audience] Because you can't! Yes : no smoking in bars, and soon no drinking and no talking!

12. This bloke who pinned a note on a door, saying 'Hang on a minute!' But in German, so: 'Ein minuten bitte! Ich habe eine kleinen problemo avec diese religiones.' [pause] He was from everywhere.

24. There was a spirit of ex-empire, this thing of 'things can't be done', whereas in America, I thought there was a spirit of 'can be done!', the pioneer thing. 'Go do it, what do you want to do?' 'I want to put babies on spikes.' 'Go, then! Go! What a wonderful idea. It's the American Dream!'

28. Italy invented fascism. Mussolini in 1922 said 'Right, we're all fascists', but most Italian people are always on scooters, going, 'Ciao!'

76. The major five religions being Christianity, Judaism, Islam, RCA, Sony, Buddhism and Hinduism. Because apart from the two silly ones, they've all got Jesus in them. I'm not telling you about the two silly ones. ('RCA, they're in the Middle East, aren't they?') Cost if you can't work out what they are, you're probably the person in the plane who watches when they do the belt bit.

88. Or if it's Shakespeare in the West End, then it's moody lighting, three old people saying, 'When shall we three meet again? Tuesday? Okay.'

99. And thank god they died, 'cause if they had made it through, then humans - Homo Sapiens - wouldn't have made it, and everything would be different! Television would be... you know, Book of the Month club on television would be: Neanderthal presenter: 'And now we have the professer... uh... whaddayou think of this book?' Neanderthal professor: 'Wha...?' Presenter: 'What do you think of this book, in a critical way?' Professor: 'It's alright...' Presenter: 'There you have it, it's alright!'