5 Eddie Izzard Quotes on Storytelling

Eddie Izzard quotes on storytelling

33. 'Now I'm going to marry my first wife, then I'm going to divorce her. Now, I know what you're going to say, but stick with me, my story gets better! I'm going to marry my second wife, then I'm going to kill her! Cut her head off! Ah, you weren't expecting that, were you? Third wife, going to shoot her! Fourth wife, put her in a bag! Fifth wife, into outer space! Sixth wife on a Rotissomat! Seventh wife will be made out of jam :'

62. 'My name is Mrs. Smith, I've made apples out of bread and dripping, a bit of green paint, and corrugated iron.' 'No, these are horrible apples, Mrs. Smith. Go away, Mrs. Smith! Go away until your daughter has a baby.' 'Shag, daughter, shag! It's a marketing idea, shag for babies! (mimes running back) My daughter's had a baby, I'm Granny Smith now!' 'Come in, Granny Smith! You're a wonderful idea, you! Come in with your shiny apples.'

64. 'What? : The Carthaginians are attacking? God, I knew they'd do that. What? : They are attacking over the Alps? Damn, I knew they'd do that. What? : They're coming on Elephants? : Where'd they get the Elephants? There aren't any Elephants in Europe. This I got to see : are you sure? : It's not just a typo mistake? Perhaps the Carthaginians are attacking over the alps and they are in their element? Kind of upbeat, you know. They're coming on fucking elephants, huh.'

71. But there must've been a Death Star canteen, yeah? There must've been a cafeteria downstairs, in between battles, where Darth Vader could just chill and go down:

91. So, I thought its not working, so I threw my breasts out of the window of my Lamborghini (points to his head) In my mind...No, I threw the breasts out of the window of my Ford Fiesta, (points to his head again) In my mind. Actually, I threw them out, over the handlebars of my bicycle, (points to his head and mouths the words) in my mind. And they hit a small child who ran, 'Mum, Mum, Mum... I've been attacked by... jellyfish! Jellyfish drive by shooting, just like south central L.A.' 'Huh??' 'Jellyfish attacked me!' 'Where are the tentacles?' 'I dunno, probably burned up on re-entry. Probably from Mars, Mum. Can I keep them and shove them up my jumper?'