6 Eddie Izzard Quotes on Absurdity

Eddie Izzard quotes on absurdity

7. I mean, you trust them with your life! They could have their fingers in your nostrils, one foot on the back of your underpants, and they're pushing your spine away with a broom. 'What's this one all about?' 'I have no idea : [slingshot] Wherever he falls, there shall he be buried!'

9. 'Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I did an original sin. I poked a badger with a spoon.' 'Say five Hail Mary's and six Hello Dolly's!'

25. 'Hi! I'm Crazy Eddie! I put babies on spikes. Do you want a rack of babies? We've got babies on racks! Mmm, they taste of chicken!' They do! Babies taste of chicken! Cannibals say that human flesh tastes of chicken, so babies must taste of chicken. And chicken tastes of humans. Good, I'm glad you're coming with me on that.

65. 'If you've never seen an Elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.'

91. So, I thought its not working, so I threw my breasts out of the window of my Lamborghini (points to his head) In my mind...No, I threw the breasts out of the window of my Ford Fiesta, (points to his head again) In my mind. Actually, I threw them out, over the handlebars of my bicycle, (points to his head and mouths the words) in my mind. And they hit a small child who ran, 'Mum, Mum, Mum... I've been attacked by... jellyfish! Jellyfish drive by shooting, just like south central L.A.' 'Huh??' 'Jellyfish attacked me!' 'Where are the tentacles?' 'I dunno, probably burned up on re-entry. Probably from Mars, Mum. Can I keep them and shove them up my jumper?'

93. You've heard on aeroplanes, they explode? And that is true, it happened to me ah, over thirty thousand feet. (mimes as if he's just having a conversation on a plane, and then his left breast explodes) 'BrrpphhZZZ' (Mimes wiping exploded stuff off of his chest and then mimes reaching up and pushing the stewardess button overhead) 'Sorry about this... Buung!' (Mimes having a sip of drink while waiting for service) 'Yes, my left breast has... exploded. Have you got a pillow? Oh, and some more nibblie, nibblies?' But then you've got one L cup boob and a D cup boob, and you get a lot of looks! I already get a lot of looks. So by the end it, I've got the fork: (Mimes stabbing himself in the right breast, then reaching up and pushing the overhead service call button again.) 'Buung!' 'Another pillow' And you go off with the biggest tits in Christendom... as the crusaders used to say!