Quote #7

I mean, you trust them with your life! They could have their fingers in your nostrils, one foot on the back of your underpants, and they're pushing your spine away with a broom. 'What's this one all about?' 'I have no idea : [slingshot] Wherever he falls, there shall he be buried!'

More from Eddie Izzard

  1. There's no Church of England fundamentalism. We can't have Church of England fundamentalism. You know, like they have Islamic fundamentalis…
  2. His name changed from Jerry Dorsey to Englbert Humperdink! I mean, I'd just like to be in the room when they were working that one through:…
  3. Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, 'Raar-ra-ra-yum-yum-yum'. And occasionally they stop and they go [gasps, starts…
  4. 'Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I did an original sin. I poked a badger with a spoon.' 'Say five Hail Mary's and six Hello Dolly's!'
  5. Cable cars are fun. Everyone gets on board and becomes a rhesus monkey. No one talks on a cable car, they just hang and stare : And the guy…
  6. 'Yes, I like my coffee hot and strong : Like I like my women: hot and ..strong : with a spoon in them.'
  7. When I was a kid in school, the career advisor came to see us and said, 'Look, I advise you to get a career, what can I say?' And he took m…
  8. 'That's one saved fucking queen! It shouldn't be 'God save the queen,' it should be 'God attack the queen!' 'God attack the queen/Send big …

All Eddie Izzard quotes