Some people say 'Oh, I wish I was a transvestite!' and I say, 'Well, if you work hard at school, maybe one day, you know: After your exams:'

And cats leap up walls! Six foot walls, they just go: 'Fwang' (mimes cat jumping) Lands perfectly, and turn: turn: and back flip and forward flip, and dismount…

On the Netherlands and marijuana: 'Have you seen the canals?' 'I am a canal!!'

We throw sticks at dogs, that's the level we have dogs at. You'd never dream of throwing one for a cat. We throw sticks for dogs, and dogs go, 'Oh, he's droppe…

The name was a fluke. A joke. It started when I was doing A Christmas Carol in San Diego. We'd sit backstage and talk about names we'd never give our children,…

On the infrequent occasions when I have been called upon in a formal place to play the bongo drums, the introducer never seems to find it necessary to mention …

[When asked what he would do if he were a woman for a day] Could I have sex with myself? Could there still be me and then a girl me?