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There is a code of behaviour, she knew, whose seventh article (it may be) says that on occasions of this sort it behoves the woman, whatever her own occupation might be, to go to the help of the young man opposite so that he may expose and relieve the thigh bones, the ribs, of his vanity, of his urgent desire to assert himself; as indeed it is their duty, she reflected, in her old maidenly fairness, to help us, suppose the Tube were to burst into flames. Then, she thought, I should certainly expect Mr Tansley to get me out. But how would it be, she thought, if neither of us did either of these things? So she sat there smiling.

Virginia Woolf#11

GenderDutySocial normsVanity

About this quote

What does it mean?
Women often perform duties to soothe male vanity, but she wonders what happens if neither helps.
In plain terms
She knows women help men feel important, but she wonders if they stop doing that.
What can you take from it?
Women often cater to male ego out of social duty.

Where it applies

  • social situations
  • courtship
  • everyday life

Putting it to work

  • question norms
  • expect mutual help
  • act independently

Questions to consider

  • What duties do you perform for others?
  • What if you stopped helping?

Another view

Kindness in social settings is not always about vanity.

More from Virginia Woolf

  1. A sort of transaction went on between them, in which she was on one side, and life was on another, and she was always trying to get the better of it, as it was…

    Permalink to quote #10
  2. For our penitence deserves a glimpse only; our toil respite only.

    Permalink to quote #12
  3. A light here required a shadow there.

    Permalink to quote #9

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