Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

Christian, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the …

Clarionet, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet -- two clarionet…

Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

This is The Tonight Show. I can't tell you too much about it, other than the fact that this program is going to go on forever.

We are in the same tent as the clowns and the freaks - that's show business.

If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.