'Tell her I'm now in the company of my wife, Slavica, who is much younger, better looking and wealthier than the Queen. Therefore, I'll stay with her.'

'Waiters are like hookers, never around when you want them.'

'They think they've got me by the balls--their hands aren't big enough.'

'You know, I've got one of these wonderful ideas that women should all be dressed in white like all the other domestic appliances.'