Since we no longer have to bleep cuss words, I promise I will get my mom to say, 'fuck' by the end of this movie.

I gotta go jerk off to see if it's still working.

(dressed as an old man) Whose dick do I gotta suck to get some explosions around here?

Oh, God. Please don't let there be a Jackass 3! Please, please, please. God. Don't let there be a Jackass 3! I don't even like doing 2!