The other night I was in New York and I made a diner reservation in my name. I showed up with my girlfriend and they asked who I was, so I said, 'Dave Grohl.' And they said, 'Oh, we thought you said David Groh,' who was in this fucking American TV show called Rhoda in the Eighties. So no, I'm afraid my name doesn't have too much pull at all.

Um. Well. I guess that she's truly an individual. I've never met anyone like her in my whole life. It's one of those things where you might bicker back and for…

For me there's nothing funnier than seeing a man in women's clothing. I think it's fucking hilarious when big, burly hairy guys paint their fingernails and dol…

Take condoms with you, with a lubricant that's not Vaseline-based so they don't rip. Oh, and take mommy's phone card so you can call her to airlift you out if …

Headmaster: Shyness had always been a disease with him, and it was shyness and a longing for anonymity that made him disguise himself. Clad in the magnificent …

And then I went over to the concession stand to get some tea and I ran into Fiona Apple, and I was like, 'Who do you think you are, Fiona Snapple?'

I'm Rick James, bitch!