21 Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson Quotes on Humor

Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson quotes on humor

1. If you smell what The Rock is cooking!

9. Your house started to shake, the heavens opened up, and God Himself spoke to you and said this: 'Bob...' (little boy voice) 'But my name's Billy.' (back to Rock-voice) 'IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!'

13. 'And you walk down the Rock's ramp and you step over the top rope, like that's supposed to impress somebody! And then, Big Show, you do something that is, without the shadow of a doubt, the most impressive thing the Rock's seen, and that's this-- (lifts hand in the air, Big Show-style and moans) huuuaaaagh!'

15. Kane, you think you impress the Rock when your music hits? All the lights go out. You got fire coming out of the post, fire shooting out of your ass, you got fire coming out of everywhere and then all of a sudden you're doing jumping jacks, you're happy, because Kane can talk. The big red retard can finally speak! Well, Kane, the Rock says this, he's in a giving mood tonight. You come on out here, the Rock got a little gift for you. He'll give you this microphone right here so you can talk in front of the millions *crowd finishes it* and millions of the Rock's fans, take your little voice gimmic, stick it to your throat and say this, (Doing an Impression of Kane) 'My name is Kane... and I am a roody poo candy ass!' And the Rock says this Kane, that little voice box you used to use, you left the Rock with one choice on what to do with it. The Rock says he'll take your little voice box, take all the batteries out, lube it up turn that sum bitch sideways and stick it straight up your candy ass!

17. *The Rock puts his t-shirt over Michael Cole's face* You keep your head right there, jabroni! Don't move The Rock's electrifying t-shirt. The Rock says this. *turns to Michael Cole* The Rock said don't move your head! Undertaker, you talk about The Rock! You run your mouth about The Rock and like you've just unturned a stone. You've turned over a stone that's never been turned over before, on how The Rock writes checks that his ass can't cash because The Rock talks trash! Like all of a sudden, nobody knows The Rock talks trash! The Rock lives, breathes, talks trash all day long! *removes sunglasses* As a matter of fact, Undertaker, The Rock... As a matter of fact, Undertaker, The Rock talks trash in his sleep. Just like this... *closes eyes and says in sleepy voice* roody poo candy ah... layeth the smacketh down on your candy... know your role... *opens eyes and snaps out of sleepy mode* The fact of the matter is this, Undertaker... *puts sunglasses back on* ...Is that tonight, and you and Big Show, it doesn't matter who it is because whether it is here tonight, or whether it is at Unforgiven, every damn night of the week, if you shut your mouth, *points in another direction* you shut your mouth, this goof holding the camera shut his mouth, *points in another direction* this chick gawking at The Rock shut her mouth... *points at Mankind* You be quiet, *points at Michael Cole* you too! Shh, shh, shh! If you listen, all The Rock's fans are chanting his name. *Fan's chant 'Rocky! Rocky!'* *Mankind starts chanting 'Rocky!' with the crowd, and The Rock points at him to stop him* Eh-eh! *points at Michael Cole* Keep your head still, jabroni! The Rock says this, is that tonight, he's gonna do one thing and that is lay the smackdown on your ROO-DY POO *crowd finishes it by chanting 'CANDY ASS'* if you smell what The Rock is cookin'!

21. If you wouldn't mind, Coach, The Rock would like to do something special with that whistle. The Rock would like to take that whistle you got, that very whistle you just put to your lips, shine it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!'

27. Go back to Supercuts and get your $5 back, jabroni.

28. The thought of another DX night makes The Rock want to stick his finger down his throat and spew the people's vomit.

36. The Rock could just imagine what you were like in High School! The oldest 27 year old senior the world has ever seen! Standing outside your house with your momma, and that short little yellow bus pulling up in front - beep beep, beep beep, beep beep! You just walk in on the bus, go into class, get inside the classroom, teacher up on the blackboard 'Ok class, what is 2 + 2? Do you know Booker?' 'Oh yeah I know the answer to that, 2 + 2? Thomas Jefferson, sucka!'

39. On this night 25 years ago, from the testicles of Vince McMahon himself came something so horrifying it sends chills up and down the bodies of men all over the world: tonight marks the birth of Stephanie McMahon.

48. (third time Eddie tries) Eddie Guerrero! (in La Bamba song)

51. Okay okay okay! But let The Rock understand this big shot. You wanna go? Is that what you wanna do, Triple H? You and the The Rock, Triple H, one more time, do you wanna...go?' 'I would LOVE to go.'(Triple H) 'Well then go get The Rock a baloney sandwich 'cause this doesn't concern you. -both directed towards Triple H, during the same promo.

54. The Rock knows exactly who you are! There's a green shirt, H on your chest, green mask ... oh you're the Hamburglar!

55. Arrest his green ass. Get him out of here. Get his green monkey ass out of here. Hey, arrest him, he's guilty of shoving Chicken McNuggets straight up his ass, arrest him.

57. Ever since The Rock came in town Everybody's tried to bring him down Canadians have no class That's why they can kiss the People's ass!

65. (To Trish Stratus) Hey Mama! How you doin'? How you- no no no no no! The Rock's gotta go. Don't look at the People's Package. (To Tyson Tomko) Hell, you too, don't look! But it's cool, man! It's all good, I like your show, 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'. It's all good!

66. (To Hurricane and Rosey, the Super-Hero In Training) Aww, here are my boys, yeah! Hamburglar! Grimace! Naw, I'm only playin'. (to Hurricane) What it is, you, man! (to Rosey) Damn you don't talk every time the Rock gets around, you talk, man? Don't get like that! I bet you know how to say 'Super-size me' though, don't ya?

72. The Undertaker cuts a promo to The Rock. Here is the opening line of The Undertaker's promo: 'Listen young man, and I do mean young.' Here is the ending line of The Undertaker's promo: 'I am going to take you to the learning tree!' A couple nights later on RAW, The Rock responds to Undertaker's promo: 'Undertaker, you run your mouth about how you're going to take The Rock to the learning tree. Well, you're not going to have to drag The Rock to the learning tree. The Rock will gladly go to the learning tree with you. And then he'll pause once we get there. He'll reach up and break off a branch, And he'll pick each and every leaf off of that branch. Then he'll turn it sideways and stick it straight up your candyass!'

112. Take a little walk down Know You Role Boulevard, hang that right on Jabroni Drive, and then proceed to check your Aunt Jemima no-pancake-havin' ass di-rectly into the Smackdown Hotel!

115. Lillian Garcia, are you getting wet...(crowd howls) with perspiration at standing this close to The Rock?

116. Try the chicken nuggets, you fat sumbitch! (to Rosey)