I don't want to make any huge generalisations about women, I'm not here to do that, it's- it's vulgar. But all I'll say is that they have no feelings. Because it's actually men, you'll find, who are the far more romantic. Men are the people you will hear say, 'I've found somebody. She's amazing. If I don't get to be with this person, I'm fucked. I can't carry on, no I mean it, she's totally transformed my life. I have a job, I have a flat, it means nothing. I can't stand it, I have to be with her. Because if I don't, I going to end up in some bedsit, I'll be alcoholic, I'll have itchy trousers. I can't- I can't walk the streets any more.' That, is how women feel about shoes.

This stage, if it hasn't already, probably will see a production of the Vagina Monologues. Which I cannot wait to see, because it sounds so fabulously fucking …

I got bored of the tedious conversations, talking to the dealer in a stairwell where you're not supposed to be, then going back to a depressing room and spendi…

And they say that after people make love there's a kind of melancholia that descends; la petite mort, you know, the little death. Well, I'm here to tell you, a…

To win a woman in the first place one must please her, then undress her, and then somehow get her clothes back on her. Finally, so she will allow you to leave …

Men love women because women are the loveliest things on God's earth. Women love men because chocolate can't mow the lawn.

It's not easy being a man! Oh no..I had to get dressed today... and there are other pressures.