Pears can just fuck off too. 'Cause they're gorgeous little beasts, but they're ripe for half an hour, and you're never there. They're like a rock or they're mush. In the supermarket, people banging in nails. 'I'll just put these shelves up, mate, then you can have the pear.' : So you think, 'I'll take them home and they'll ripen up.' But you put them in the bowl at home, and they sit there, going, 'No! No! Don't ripen yet, don't ripen yet. Wait til he goes out the room! Ripen! Now now now!'

'My name is Mrs. Smith, I've made apples out of bread and dripping, a bit of green paint, and corrugated iron.' 'No, these are horrible apples, Mrs. Smith. Go …

'What? : The Carthaginians are attacking? God, I knew they'd do that. What? : They are attacking over the Alps? Damn, I knew they'd do that. What? : They're co…

People on movies are always so professional with computers. [Mimes using a computer] 'Hacking into Pentagon. Double click on 'yes''. Oh password protected. Ok …

They look quite promising in the shop, and not entirely without hope when I get them back into my wardrobe. But then, when I put them on they tend to deteriora…

I think they just got through marinating the greens.

High Dude : Hey Calvin, there is a thin line between fries and shakes