Quote #28

I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, 'I don't know... reelection to the Senate?' (a reference to the Chappaquiddick incident)

More from Emo Philips

  1. I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.
  2. I was walking down the street, something caught my eye... and dragged it fifteen feet.
  3. Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, 'Why limit yourselves?'
  4. I was walking through the park... plucking out nose hairs. Oh, those sleeping winos HATE that.
  5. At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antido…
  6. I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscio…
  7. A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
  8. If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.

All Emo Philips quotes