What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and says he's doing nothing, but the dog is barking, call 911.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

'In California, you lose a point off your IQ every year.'

The cook was a good cook, as cooks go; and, as cooks go, she went.

'Because I'm a blonde, I don't have to think I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks I never have to worry about gettin' a man If I keep this blonde, and…