Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.

I understand, of course, that many people find smoking objectionable. That is their right. I would, I assure you, be the very last to criticize the annoyed. I …

No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

You can't talk of the dangers of snake poisoning and not mention snakes.

The whole world is about three drinks behind.

Some forms of reality are so horrible we refuse to face them, unless we are trapped into it by comedy. To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit d…